Nine times out of ten, when B opens his mouth to ask a question I have absolutely no idea what he is about to ask. Is it something completely made up from his little imagination? Is it pure curiosity getting the best of him? Or maybe it is something serious about the newest thing he has learned.
Well, last night he asked me a question I was not prepared for. He asked me something that I never thought would cross his little mind and I don’t have the slightest clue where it stemmed from. This is how the conversation started…
“Momma are you married?” he asked me. “No baby, I am not.”
“Momma have you been married before?” he continued. “Yes, I use to be married to mommy.”
“How come you aren’t married now? Can’t you get married again?” he asked. “Yes baby, I can get married again, but right now it is just me and that is okay.” I explained, but more questions still came.
He looked at me and said, “But momma that means when I go to mommy’s house it’s just you here, you are by yourself.” I just looked at him wondering how to navigate this because clearly his little heart was concerned so I said, “I am by myself here, but I am okay babe I promise. There will be times when you won’t always have someone and that is where I am at and it is okay.”
This is when the question came that I was not prepared for. With so much genuine concern in his eyes he looked at me and asked, “But momma are you happy?”
When I say I have never felt more lost for words, I mean it. To have a four year old look you dead in the eyes, with a gentleness to his voice, and ask if you are happy, it rocks you a bit. I took a minute just because I was so caught off guard, but the conversation continued like this.
“Yes baby, momma is very happy. I am okay not being married. I am okay not having someone else here when you aren’t. Don’t worry baby, I am happy.”
That must have been convincing enough because he said, “okay momma, I love you.” then gave me a hug.
This was the most gentile reminder of how much kids notice and take to heart. This was such a beautiful moment between me and my little man to offer him reassurance that momma was okay. I know that there may come a time when people in his life are with their person and he is not yet, and I hope more than anything he remembers his momma. He remembers that she wasn’t with anyone, but was still okay. I hope he knows that being in a relationships does not define you. I hope he learns that the most important thing is protecting his heart but also knowing his worth. I hope that my little man never for a second doubts that he is less than based on his relationship status. I hope that he knows there is a difference between being alone and being lonely, and he will never be alone.
I had no idea that is where our conversation would go, but I love that his little mind allowed us to get there. To see the care, the emotion, and the love come from a little 4 year old reminded me that to love and care for someone else doesn’t require a lot of effort. It reminded me that the simplest of questions and intention can mean more than any gift, any amount of money, or any relationship status.
Don’t worry baby, I am happy. <3
The Single Momma 